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Chessville
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Thompson's Carnival Thompson has hit the headlines in the local newspapers. Last week the annual Steam Rally and Carnival was held at the village of Woodenham, and as usual other villages in the area, including nearby Cholney and Sharpe Ende, were invited to contribute to the entertainment. The star performers were the numerous steam-powered traction engines, organs and fairground rides which came from all parts of the country and sometimes from the continent. As is customary at such rural gatherings there were also strolling players from far and near to entertain the crowds with such diversions as juggling, country dancing, gymnastic displays, and street theatre. Many local characters were to be seen at the numerous stalls purveying country crafts, food, ice cream and other delights. Traditional fairground games and rides were also part of the gala atmosphere. I went along with my friend DB as we had heard that this year’s rally was to be rather special. Not only was there to be a re-enactment of the legendary Grimbles match of eighteen ninety three between Cholney and Sharpe Ende, but a living chess game had also been arranged. It was to be presented by none other than Thompson, who was now living in the area. The large field where the Rally was held was easily found. It was wreathed in clouds of steam and smoke from the numerous engines which were merrily chugging away as they powered the roundabouts, carousels and organs which were dotted around the area. Colourful ribbons and banners decorated the many stalls and sideshows. Gaily attired street artists mingled with the good humoured crowds of spectators, many of whom wore traditional country garb. As well as the working engines there were others on static display, ranging from massive steamrollers to miniature working models of tractors. Tiny model steam engines clattered round a circular track, displaying amazing power for their size as they pulled carriages full of laughing children enjoying a free ride. The opening ceremony of the Rally was performed by His Worship the Mayor of Woodenham, a stout gentleman dressed in a dark suit and bowler hat, resplendent in his civic regalia of massive gold chain and bejeweled badge of office. He was attended by the Lady Mayoress and his Mace Bearer. After a short speech by His Worship the festivities were officially under way and the celebrated Grimbles game of eighteen ninety three was re-enacted on the large grid which had been painted on a flat area of grass. Without a hitch the players scrunged, dobbled and naddled their way through the complicated moves of the famous game and then left the field to loud applause. Up to now Thompson had been nowhere in sight, although he was shortly to make a dramatic entrance. Earlier DB and I had stopped to admire a unique form of country transport which had been lovingly renovated and decorated especially for the Rally. What can only be described as a custom tricycle, brightly painted and decorated with all manner of flags, badges and gadgets, was proudly displayed by its owner who weaved through the throng graciously acknowledging the complimentary remarks of all who saw it. It was after the Grimbles display that we saw it again, being ridden by Thompson who had somehow persuaded the owner to let him have a spin on his machine. As we watched the performance of an escapologist, DB and I were standing beside a raised stage on which a troupe of young ladies were gaily waving their skirts as they danced a Can-Can to the music of a massive German steam organ. Just then Thompson rode by and greeted us with an airy wave. He swiveled his head to observe the captivating sight of the dancers and failed to notice that he was heading straight for a mighty traction engine which was moving inexorably in his direction. Someone shouted a warning, Thompson looked to his front and saw the danger. He instinctively put out his hand to indicate a turn and swerved abruptly out of the path of the approaching monster. As the tricycle veered away Thompson’s outstretched hand caught the side of the head of the escapologist who, with one arm free, was delicately balanced on one leg, performing an intricate contortion as he struggled to escape from a tangle of chains and ropes fastened around his torso. Taken by surprise the escapologist hopped frantically from side to side in an attempt to keep his balance but eventually succumbed to the law of gravity and collapsed in a heap. As he fell he clutched at the striped trousers of a passing clown on stilts who in turn flailed around with giant strides in a vain effort to avoid falling. At the same time one of the Can-Can dancers, who was watching these events instead of concentrating on her dance steps, danced straight off the edge of the stage. She tumbled into the audience with a shriek and a flurry of frills and suspenders. The crowd scattered as the clown on stilts finally crashed to the ground. His outstretched arms caught His Worship The Mayor in the small of the back and propelled him forwards. That surprised civic dignitary managed to keep his balance but Thompson, with perfect timing and completely oblivious of the mayhem he had caused, was riding past him at that very moment. The glittering ceremonial chain around the Mayor’s neck was caught on one of the protuberances on the tricycle and he was suddenly dragged along behind the vehicle. Pulled forwards, he struggled to remain upright, his short legs moving rapidly. Thompson suddenly braked to a halt as he spotted a muddy pond directly in front of him. His Worship, running immediately behind the tricycle, somehow managed to swerve round it and his civic chain came free as he trotted past a surprised Thompson. Unable to stop, the Mayor careered onwards, tripped over a passing dog and somersaulted elegantly into the pool. He briefly disappeared beneath the surface before struggling to his feet, covered in mud and slimy green plant life, miraculously still wearing his bowler hat. Still dizzy and breathless he promptly fell over again, then began to crawl to the edge of the pond. At this point the faithful Mace Bearer, who had been unable to keep up with the fast-moving duo (mainly because he had not had the presence of mind to discard the heavy mace), arrived on the scene. He was totally out of breath but eager to rescue his distinguished master. Casting aside the mace and extending his hand, the Mace Bearer tried to pull the Mayor out of the pond, only to fall in himself as he slipped on the mud. The Lady Mayoress arrived just in time to receive the mace on her foot, hopped on one leg as she rubbed her toes to relieve the pain, and fell over the same dog, which had returned in search of more fun. Flat on her back she slid slowly but gracefully into the pond to join her husband and his faithful retainer. With amazing poise she managed to give a good-humoured royal style wave as she glided into the water, somewhat like a ship being launched. By now quite a crowd had gathered. As the three mud-bespattered individuals cautiously picked their way out of the muddy water and on to the grass they were greeted with an enthusiastic round of applause. Thompson’s wife was now circulating amongst the throng, wringing her hands and repeating over and over again “He can’t help it you know, this always happens.....” But Thompson was no longer there, having beaten a hasty retreat as he began to realise what he had done. He had decided it was time to return the tricycle to its owner and prepare for the living chess display which was now due to take place on the chequered grid recently vacated by the Grimbles teams. The regulars of The Ruddy Duck pub at Sharpe Ende had put in a great deal of preparation for the chess display, in the form of beautifully made cardboard costumes representing the various chess pieces. Regulars of the Ruddy Duck and The Greene Manne (the hostelry at Cholney), had volunteered to act as live pieces and the whole thing had been organised by Thompson, who also was to play the part of a Black Knight. The moves of the games, according to a script by Thompson, were called out by Big Reuben, an extremely large gentleman who was an habitué of The Ruddy Duck and a stalwart of their Grimbles team, noted for his resounding voice and imposing presence. At first short games such as Scholars Mate, Fools Mate and other opening traps were demonstrated to an interested audience, nothing too technical. Then the following short game, played between two of the Ruddy Duck habitués, was demonstrated. White was one of the pub’s youthful tacticians, affectionately referred to as Young’n, and his opponent was an ex-military gentleman known as The Colonel.
After White’s eighteenth move The Colonel had stood to attention, given a crisp salute, said “Dashed good play sir!” and resigned. A round of appreciative applause followed the game demonstration. Then as the chess pieces were reassembling on the board for another game, the fun started. A group of small children, who had been riding on a nearby carousel of ornate horses which rose up and down as the ride went round and round, arrived upon the scene and mistook the chess display for another sort of ride. They immediately ran on to the chequered area and enthusiastically tried to mount the various pieces with cries of delight. The confusion increased as other children, hearing the yells of excitement, began to appear and to join in. The situation was not helped by a parent who, knowing nothing of chess, thought the display was part of the entertainment for the children and loudly encouraged them to “Go on kids - enjoy yourselves!” Big Reuben tried to calm the situation by calling for the area to be cleared but it is doubtful if anyone heard him and certainly no-one took the slightest notice. Thompson’s Black Knight seemed to hold a particular attraction for the most boisterous children and he staggered around for a while before toppling under the weight of assorted wriggling infants. A similar fate befell most of the other chess pieces. It was not long before the volunteers crawled out of their costumes and left the field to the children who by now were happily jumping up and down on the costumes, reducing them to flattened cardboard. The chess display was perforce abandoned at this point and the children soon wandered off, having decided that the game was over once the costumes were flattened. Perhaps it was just as well as His Worship The Mayor was about to make his closing speech to wind up the day’s events. This he did with great aplomb considering what he had been through, saying that in view of the efforts of so many skilled entertainers he thought his performance was the very least he could contribute to the festivities. He also paid tribute to the loyal support which he had received from both the Lady Mayoress and his Mace Bearer. It was only after the crowds had dwindled away that the escapologist was discovered thrashing about in the long grass, still struggling to escape from the chains and ropes entangled about his body. The next day the following report appeared in the local newspaper, the Woodenham Herald:
I hear that next year’s Mayor Elect has so far been unable to commit himself to attending next year’s Rally, pleading another engagement in a very full diary. The escapologist has flatly refused to appear. The stage for the Can Can dancers is to be extended and I am informed by Big Reuben that Thompson is already preparing a new and improved living chess display as well as other events. Large crowds are expected at the next Woodenham Steam Rally and Carnival. DB and I will definitely be there. I just hope they don’t let Thompson drive a traction engine.
Copyright R. Canter, 2000-2006
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